The Zohner Super Family Funtime

This past week we had our stake Lagoon day.  Since we had free entrance tickets and the ability to go on a few rides, we decided to take the kids and go have some fun.

I love amusement parks.  It used to be that I could ride roller coasters all day long.  As I have aged, I’ve learned just how much fun traveling at high speeds in an open car along a steel track can be.  That being said, Lagoon just doesn’t excite me like it used to.  The kids, on the other hand, are thrilled at the prospect of going to Lagoon even if it’s only for a few hours.

When we arrived at the park, we thought it would be a good idea to start off at the Tilt-A-Whirl.  That’s a pretty easy ride that will make me puke my guts out but the kids should have no problem.  Right?  Wrong.  Alex and Hannah decided to ride with Holly so I took Emma.  We spun so fast that it took me a few minutes before I dared stand.  I can do fast and I can do spinning but not together.  I’m getting too old for dizzy.  Emma absolutely loved the ride; she screamed in delight the entire time.  Alex and Hannah also screamed.  Their screams were made in terror though.  Alex was holding on for dear life, pulling the control bar closer and closer to him, not knowing that by doing so, he was causing his own problems.

In order to get the kids a bit calmed down after thier horrific experiecne of tilting and whirling about, we headed over to Pioneer Village to grab a bite to eat at the Arby’s there.  Here’s a word of advice: don’t eat at the Arby’s in Pioneer Village.  They got our order wrong, the food was horrible, and to top it off, they didn’t have any Arby’s sauce.  How is it even possible for Arby’s not to have Arby’s sauce?  To top it off, everything on the menu was between $4 and $9.  Where’s my 5 for $5?  And where’s my Arby’s sauce?  You call yourself an Arby’s…

After “dinner” and an ice cream cone, we headed back out into the amusement part of the park.  We thought that the train that runs around the toxicity called a lake would be fun and calming for the younger kids so we went and got in line.

After a few minutes of standing around waiting for the train to arrive, we finally boarded and started down the track into a very dark tunnel.  The way that Hannah reacted, you would think that we were on Willy Wonka’s boat watching images of bugs crawling on peoples faces while an insane confectioner sang a catchy jingle about our demise.  It was very reminiscent of her trip to the car wash only without the insane confectioner.

Once we were out of the tunnel, and able to see the various animals sleeping, the kids started to enjoy themselves.  In fact, they had so much fun that we had to go again.  The second time though, Hannah knew that the tunnel did not actually house her innermost fears so she was slightly less afraid.

Next up was a ride that I don’t particularly enjoy but one that Emma absolutely loves: the Musik Express.  For those who have never ridden this ride, it’s basically a train that goes in a circle at speeds so high that gravity smashes everything against the side of the car.  It’s generally best if the largest individual sits on the outside as they will be the ones getting punished for two and a half minutes.  If you have a 300 pound person and a 25 pound person, the smaller of the two will probably die if they sit in the wrong place.  Knowing this, we sat in appropriate positions and Emma had a blast.  I also enjoyed myself but I was mostly paying attention to Alex as he tried to fight gravity.  His face was that of pure fear.  I don’t think that he’s ever experienced anything quite like that.  Holly and Hannah decided to sit this one out.

By this time, it was starting to get dark.  We were all tired but we still hadn’t gone on the carousel.  “To the carousel!”  Alex was smart this time around and chose to sit on an animal that didn’t move up and down.  He had a good time.  Hannah chose just the opposite and was as excited for the ride to start as she could be.  Then it started and the horse that she was on not only moved forward but also up and down.  She started screaming for somebody to come rescue her.  I’m sure that the people that heard her thought that she must have been seriously injured.  We ended up going again, this time though, Hannah chose an animal that didn’t move.

Before we left, Emma wanted to play a game.  Whack-A-Mole here we come.  I decided to play against Emma and Alex and ended up winning pretty handily.  I was surprised at how the moles don’t really come out of their holes though.  If they flinch, you hit them.  If you wait for a head to pop out of a hole, then you’ll lose.  Maybe the moles are finally learning something after all these years of getting hit with a huge padded mallet.

I think that next year we’re going to get season passes.  That way, when we go to Lagoon, we can take the kids on some real rides.  If Hannah thinks that the carousel is intense, just wait until I get her on a roller coaster.

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